Alice in Wonderland (dumbmonkeygirl) wrote,
Alice in Wonderland

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I fail

I have come to the conclusion that I am incapable of being in a functional relationship. What do you do when you can't cope with real life? Why, come to lj to whine about it of course.

This particular pity party is motivated by my latest break up. I have been going out with a girl called Jem for a couple of months. Now Jem is a nice girl, and we definately have a lot in common, if we had been dating casually we'd probably still be together. However the spanner in the works of my life is the fact that I have known Jemma for years (from the internet, ha) and she lives in Winchester. To break it down,

Longdistance + existing friendship = cloyingly serious relationship.

Apparently I am a committment-phobe, and not in an amusing Chandleresque way. I just couldn't cope with having to visit Jem and pretend to be a practically married couple every single time. The problem with leaping the gap between (predominantly) internet friendship and dating is that you are basically doing things back to front. On the one hand Jemma knows things about me very few people know, on the other she has only really been around me for a month (ish) in real time. Of course another issue is just my general abohrence of smushy romance of any sort. Everytime she called me, 'sweetie,' I wanted to punch her in the ovaries. I think I have a problem.

Oh so many repressed relationship issues. I wish I was still in my one night stand phase.

Apart from reading books (and acting like an intellectual) the thing that alleviates the pain is perving over the female celebrities that tells me to like. Random thoughts in that vein:

- Jodie Foster's latest film (Nim's Island) is out in a few weeks and is a kids film. I am strangly excited by the prospect of watching Jodie make corny jokes and run into things in a slapstick manner. Seeing as I was about minus 15 years old last time she made a crappy kids film I feel like I am allowed this small indulgence.

Plus I was actually really disappointed by, 'The Brave One,' it was the first time I felt that Foster's need to be the strong, single female got in the way of the narrative progression of the film. She is a woman that, lest we forget, goes on a bender and murders at least 5 people before the final scene. The only reason I can find for the character's redemption is Foster's chosen moral stereotype. Ever since the jump from the rape in, 'The Accused,' to Clarice Starling she has been the unasailable, 'saviour of helpless women.' In, 'The Brave One,' her character started as a victim but was a killer by the end, she should have died. So yes, her run of strong women in peril movies is now wearing thin, hopefully, 'Nims Island,' will be a welcome change

Woah tangent! Whilst I'm on one I might as well say that I love that Jodie Foster is now a certified lesbian. CNN did a story on her thanking her female partner, she must be officially gay now. *rolls eyes*

- Somewhat related to above. Disney must be so bummed. They have certainly downgraded in childstars. Jodie Foster > Lindsay Lohan > Miley Cyrus. Butch but freakishly talented > Inappropriately attractive but a coke whore > Looks like a horse.

- Tina Fey's only film as an actress is out in a month. I'm just plain scared for it. She was good on SNL, 'Mean Girls,' was amusing, even seminal (every female in my age bracket has seen it) and, '30 Rock,' is just plain frickin' awesome. Surely Tina is due for a fall? Everyone loves her now, but what about if, 'Baby Mamma,' is shitty, sub par SNL material? Will Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter and Rachel Dratch (she's gotta be bitter) line up to kick her whilst she's down? I think so. Plus the trailer isn't all that great beyond the massive GAY of Tina Fey + Amy Poehler.

Oh well, I'm keeping the faith cause Sigourney Weaver is in it.

- Realated to, '30 Rock,' Alec Baldwin was in my dream last night. Which was somewhat disurbing.

- I hated, 'Will and Grace,' when it was on air - really, really loathed it. Infact the only time I ever watched it was when I fell asleep after, 'Friends,' and woke up in a nightmarish state to the shrill sound of Debra Messing's laugh. However whilst I visited Jem we watched a lot of, 'Will and Grace,' and it grew on me like a homosexual fungus. I still think that you really have to be in musical theatre to fully enjoy, however I have a certain fondness for the fags and hags now.

Of course this is mainly related to my new crush on Megan Mullally. I always thought she was the only funny thing about the show. Now I think she's funny AND hot. She's a short, talented brunette with big boobs and fantastic hair, how was I not gonna be on board?

Other things that make me happy that I am too tired to talk about: My new piercings, Flight of the Conchords, Futurama movies, the new F1 season (I love that no traction control means that no one can drive the cars anymore. Ha), those strange people called friends.
Tags: books, boredom, gay ladies, jodie foster, real life, relationships, tina fey
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